I expect Heaven to be a white Hawaii or Fiji or Tahiti with lots of angels singing and playing harps. Oh yeah and I expect that in Heaven you can eat all the chocolate and ice cream you want without gaining a pound...maybe even lose a pound or two from eating it. Wouldn't that be a.w.e.s.o.m.e!
However, I may have not been to Heaven, but I have been to it's opposite...HELL! Hollywood has depicted Hell as an excruciatingly hot place where people burn. Once again, Hollywood has portrayed something incorrectly. Shocker, I know. It is actually a place where people freeze not burn. People let me tell you about my experience in Hell. I live in Hell. You thought I lived in Logan, Utah? No, no you are right, I do. Some call it Zion, but between November 1st and March 31st it is known as Hell in my book.
In the world of Heidi (a strange, strange world no one should ever visit)...
-Hell is a place of torment and misery.
-Hell is a place that is cold (then again I think that anything under 75 degrees is cold).
-Hell is a place where you get your hopes up and wear slippers because it is 50 degrees outside and then those hopes are dashed the next day when a foot of snow comes tumbling down upon your already fragile state.
-Hell is a place where you hold in your pee because if you don't your butt will freeze to the porcelain toilet seat (not that you could get off of your seat on the couch anyway under 50 lbs of blankets).
-Hell is a place where you use both the a/c and the heater in the same day (sometimes the same hour).
-Hell is a place where you eat soup after soup after soup just to stay warm which results in your bladder exploding adding to the "butt frozen on the porcelain seat" problem listed above.
-Hell is a place where even bears hibernate for months at a time because it is so miserable.
-Hell is a place where you shovel your driveway for hours on end just to have the snowplow come by and throw all that snow back on your driveway. idiots!
-Hell is a place where you stand under the light bulb to just get a small glimpse of what the sun looks like.
-Hell is a place where you have to start your car 1/2 hour before you leave so that it will be bearable when you have to get in and drive.
-Hell is a place where March doesn't mean spring it means MORE SNOW!
Yes my friends I live in HELL! 
Anyone want to come visit?
10 comments:
I could not agree with you more! Winter really is Hell! I am so done with the snow! What happened to the 60 degree weather we had last week?!? Silly Utah! Seriously though, can we have spring/summer yet???
Utah... One fetchin' foot of fetchin' snow in one single fetchin' day in March! Not to mention that it happened pretty much the day after it had all fetchin' melted! I fetchin' miss Hawaii! FETCH!!! This comment's fetchin' language is dedicated to my fetchin' brother in law Brandon.
Wow that is toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Much snow for march. We did not get that much and I hate that got any.
OH MY *HELLLLLLL* you are hilarious! I so agree with this blog!!!!
I would come visit but I live there too! I think I ask myself everyday, "why do I live her?"
HURRY UP & COME BACK!!! flights are really cheap right now. but then again, it's been cold here too. well, not as cold as there but today when i went to work my car said it was 67 degrees. now that is pretty cold too.
oh sorry. forgot to say:
From JODIE
- referring to the anonymous comment above.
Fetch yeah brotha...fetch snow...dang it i hate snow...
that sure is a lot of hell.
Oh Man! I totally agree. You forgot to mention how many times we heat up the ole coco motion machine. Do you think Jodie has room for me too? I'm seriously outta here! Freezing snow! Love ya
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